


candles burning low

by selectiveyellow



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Addison x Meredith is in this but not enough to tag, F/F, addison is still at SG for minor plot reasons i promise, george is here but not until the end, holiday fake dating au yall, izze & george & lexie friendship mentioned throughout, season four canon divergence, useless bi lexie who falls for anyone nice to her is what i deserve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-09-14 19:51:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16919307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/selectiveyellow/pseuds/selectiveyellow
Summary: Lexie looks at her and has to gather herself to say, “This is my first Christmas without my mom; I just want them to know I’m doing alright.”Izzie nods, turning her face toward the hospital - there’s a moment of silence that Lexie appreciates - before quickly looking back, eyes bright. “I can do it. I’ll play your girlfriend."





	candles burning low

**Author's Note:**

> last year I was able to figure out about where Christmas would be in season 4 based on the Halloween episode but i can't for the life of me remember now
> 
> the romance is a little quick in this one but it's a fake dating au, we expect this right gang

Lexie fiddles with her phone in her hands as she resists checking it for any missed calls again. She’d already left three voicemails for Alex before deciding to trust that his surgery was running longer than expected, and that he’d find her when he could. It’s still pretty early in the evening and she isn’t due to meet Molly at home for another hour, but she still can’t help wearing a hole in the pavement as she paces outside the hospital, waiting and worrying over why Alex disappeared on such an important night.

She’s taking a step towards the doors to try and find Alex herself when she sees Izzie coming out, dressed in a very holiday cheerful green and white sweater, ready to go home for the night. Izzie smiles when she sees Lexie, and Lexie smiles back, thankful for the distraction.

In her first few days at Seattle Grace, Lexie had assumed Izzie would hate her; she was Meredith’s friend for one, and a resident for another. But Lexie had learned pretty early on that because Lexie knew George, it meant she would know Izzie too.

She’s been on Dr. Montgomery’s service with Izzie for a few days now. Lexie finds her attending absolutely brilliant, but the distant kindness that is completely due to her knowing Meredith doesn’t like her was a little distracting and awkward. Izzie on the other hand has Lexie thinking (and she’d deny ever saying this) that she might be her favorite resident. She might sigh before answering a question, but she always gives a thorough answer and makes sure Lexie has no further questions before moving on, and she actually lets Lexie try a procedure now and then, _and_ – as an added bonus – Izzie doesn’t use any embarrassing nicknames. Lexie typically dreads working in the clinic but the days when Izzie’s in charge, Lexie ends up feeling like she’s learning something.

Not that Lexie’s never seen her upset because, _wow_ , has she ever; but she's patient with Lexie and the other interns when the rest wave them off like flies. It’s a patience she firmly appreciates and assumes has a lot to do with the friendship with George that Lexie indirectly reaps the benefits from. It’s harder to be super harsh on someone who joined you for drinks the night before, after all.

In exchange, for Lexie's part, she keeps her mouth shut and discourages as much as she can when the other interns take to whispering behind Izzie's back. She kept her comments to herself when George and Dr. Torres had their falling out.

Sometimes, Lexie would find, it seemed Izzie would purposefully seek her out, whether George was there or not, and she has a hard time pretending that wasn't a good feeling.

“Hey Lex,” Izzie says, pulling her jacket closer as she slides up next to Lexie. “Glad I caught up with - wait, shouldn’t you be home by now? It’s Christmas!”

Izzie smiles like she hasn’t spent her holiday working around people who spent _their_ holiday sick and injured. That’s another thing Lexie appreciates about Izzie – when she’s happy, she's definitely happy.

“I know - I’ll be leaving in a little bit,” Lexie answers, checking her phone one more time even though she knows it didn’t ring. “I’m just waiting on Alex; he’s coming with me to my dad’s for dinner.”

Izzie tilts her head and gains a look that Lexie has seen her give to patients more than once. “Uh – well – then you’re going to be waiting a while; he already went home. Like, an hour ago.” She shifts in place, like she’s feeling the guilt herself. “So unless Mer is hosting…”

Lexie stands blinking at her for a few seconds. “He told me he had an emergency surgery.”

Izzie shakes her head and Lexie almost cracks her forehead with her phone when she brings her hand to her face. She starts pacing again, paying no mind to the looks she gets from those also leaving work for the night.

“Oh great, oh great, oh great, this is _great_. He promised he’d come with me, this is gonna ruin everything - Dad and Molly are expecting us at the party and – “

“I could go with you! Er - could I come?”

Lexie stops pacing and actually laughs a little. If there’s anything she’s learned today it’s that Izzie _loves_ Christmas and has no problem bringing her Christmas spirit to work with her. Asking to go to a holiday party without missing a beat and only looking a little sheepish about it doesn’t surprise Lexie at all, and it causes her to smile before reality catches up with her.

“Okay well, the thing is – I promised Molly I’d be bringing a boyfriend.” She raises an eyebrow and Lexie see her lips fighting not to smile, so she launches into more story than Izzie probably wants to know; but suddenly Lexie really doesn’t want Izzie thinking she’s actually _that_ embarrassing. “Listen, my sister got married and had a baby at like – 22? And she’s always making fun of me because she thinks I’m falling behind in life and that I’m missing out and I just couldn’t take it anymore and promised her I _did_ have a boyfriend - and I’d prove it to her that I was happy by letting her meet him on Christmas. Because you know, it’s _Christmas_! Then Dad got involved and then everything was a big deal and – I mean you know how little sisters are, they can just get under your skin, you know?”

Izzie stares as she processes Lexie’s story, her lip between her teeth. “Oh yeah, I think I can see that,” she says, her grin coming out in full force. Lexie knows she’s thinking of Meredith but her playfulness cuts the jab and she lets it slide like she always does.

Lexie looks at her and has to gather herself to say, “This is my first Christmas without my mom; I just want them to know I’m doing alright.”

Izzie nods, turning her face toward the hospital - there’s a moment of silence that Lexie appreciates - before quickly looking back, eyes bright. “I can do it. I’ll play your girlfriend. Tell Molly Alex was just a cover up, or something, because you were worried about what she would think and all that.”

Lexie pulls her coat higher around her neck, hoping to cover up the blush forming on her cheeks as she studies Izzie’s beaming face and thinks that might sound a lot worse than going to Christmas dinner alone. But she looks so excited and Lexie thinks of the holiday jingles Izzie’s been singing to herself all day (that Lexie _totally_ didn't join in on) that Lexie starts to think having her over as _her_ holiday cheer might actually be what she and her family needs.

Izzie really sells it when she leans over and touches Lexie’s arm. “I want your family to know you’re happy and have a good life. You know, hellish work days aside. We can play the happy couple for a night and then you can break up with me later.”

She mimes a tear falling down her cheek and Lexie can’t help the smile that breaks out at that. Really she thinks Izzie is probably just over the moon at the idea of dinner at a party she doesn’t have to host and well, maybe Lexie should be too.

Lexie loops arms with her like a good girlfriend would and says, “Yeah, you're right - okay, Izzie, let’s go.”

“Go where?”

Lexie drops their arms like she was burned and turns to see Meredith, who passes through the now open space between them.

They both smile in greeting, and Lexie tries not to let it bother her that Meredith returns the smile but only to Izzie. “To Lexie’s for dinner; you should come – bring Addison!”

Lexie doesn’t know a lot about her sister but she’s pretty sure she is _not_ a holiday person and the look on her face as she shakes her head ‘no’ is about what Lexie would expect. Lexie thinks there’s no way Meredith is a family dinner kind of person either but she adds anyway, “You know I’m sure Molly would love to see Addison again.”

Her face is actually pleasant when she predictably turns down the offer to open up _that_ can of worms with Lexie’s family, before it turns back to that cool, stern look she always get when she sees Lexie with Izzie or George or Alex. “Sorry but we’re staying in tonight. Hot chocolate and… stuff.”

Izzie takes Lexie’s shoulder and starts to guide her away. “C’mon, let’s go before we have to hear about ‘and stuff.’”

Meredith’s laugh echoes behind them and Lexie realizes she’s extremely grateful she and Addison aren’t coming. She’s certainly not up to explaining why she was suddenly “dating” one of Meredith’s best friends just to get through dinner with her family.

As if on cue Izzie says into her ear, “Don’t worry, I knew she’d say no. How in the world could we explain this one?”

 

 

 

 

 

On the drive over as her eyes repeatedly track the trees as they rush by, it hits Lexie that she now has to lie about having a _girlfriend_ and she grips Izzie’s hand for support because that’s all she can think to do. They might as well get used to hand holding now. It wasn't unusual for Izzie to touch her hand, or for Lexie to lean against her shoulder if she needed the support (never mind that that only happened once and she was very drunk besides; so maybe it was a little unusual) but holding hands and looping arms was going to be a whole new level.

She was a little surprised at how unnatural it _didn't_ feel.

Izzie smiles and says, “So you’re the clingy type I’m guessing?” as if this wasn’t the first time she’d had to pretend to be someone’s date. For all Lexie knows about Izzie, it very well could not be.

“We’ll have to get our story straight –“ She snorts and Lexie feels a little more at ease, “- I mean, how did we meet?”

“At work, _dear_.”

Lexie gives the hand in her grip a warning squeeze that may have actually been a pinch. “I _mean_ , how did we get _together_? Did we meet through Meredith? No, she’d never do that - did we see each other across the cafeteria? Did we have a hard case together? Did George think it would just be _so_ hot to see us kiss, so we did just to shut him up?”

“Maybe not that one, for your dad’s sake.” Izzie’s grin turns sharper. “So… we’ve kissed?”

Lexie shoots her a glance and drops her hand to cross her arms. “ _Of course_ we’ve kissed,” she insists, because she hadn’t actually planned on saying anything like that but now she wants to save face. “What is this, middle school? Of course we’ve kissed. I’m extremely kissable.”

Izzie laughs just to placate Lexie, she’s pretty sure, and takes her hand again to keep her calm, but now Lexie’s too embarrassed to look her in the eye. Alex wasn't exactly dating material but at least it wouldn't be completely new territory to present him as her boyfriend to her family. She feels out of her element next to Izzie like this and it makes her confused and nervous. She keeps her gaze on the houses passing by.

“It can be as simple as having drinks together at Joe’s after work,” Izzie offers after a moment, voice cutting through her anxiety, “just like any other couple would, and things went from there. We’ve been to Joe’s plenty of times for real anyway, it’d be an easy story. It was the end of a hard day – the patient lived, but it was a long surgery. You dazzled me with that brain of yours and I couldn’t stay away. And yeah, we kiss all the time but that’s just for you to know. _Dear_.”

Face hot, Lexie finally whips her head around to look at her (no one’s ever really called Lexie _dazzling_ before). Izzie follows up that last comment with a faux glowing smile that has Lexie a little dazzled herself as she realizes why all the boys she knew last year were tripping over themselves for Bethany Whispers

Lexie bites her lip but doesn’t give her the satisfaction of charming her back, although she has a feeling Izzie can tell she instantly feels better; instead she chooses to link their fingers together and say, after a beat, “Speaking of ‘dear…’

“Oh no.”

“I can’t wait to tell everyone about the time my _girlfriend_ defibrillated a _deer_.”

“Why don’t you break up with me now, it’d be kinder.”

 

 

 

 

 

The moment she rings the doorbell, Lexie remembers something important and spins around, touching Izzie’s sternum to keep her from moving forward as she comes up the steps.

“Izzie okay – my dad? I know he’s – I know the last time you saw him he was… Well he promised to be on his best behavior tonight and – “

Izzie stops her, briefly touching Lexie’s wrist. “It’s alright. We’ll worry about that if it comes up, okay?”

Lexie looks at her gratefully but doesn’t get the chance to thank her because the door opens right then, and Lexie has just enough time to pull her hand away and spin on her heels before Molly is pulling her into a hug and practically squealing into her ear. This is the first time Lexie’s seen her since their Mom’s funeral and she squeezes Molly back just as tightly, as Izzie’s chuckle and holiday music drift around her. She doesn't see her sister nearly as much as she wishes she could, and she feels a relief at seeing her now, despite her earlier nerves.

“Hey Molls,” Lexie says and just manages to choke out “Merry Christmas,” before Molly pulls her into the house and Lexie frantically makes a gesture in Izzie’s direction that she hopes reads ‘ _hun’ won’t you come in?_ before Molly lets her go and turns to give a proper hello to her sister’s guest.

If she’s surprised to _not_ see a man with Lexie, she only shows it for half a second before realization colors on her face. “Dr. Stevens! It’s great to see you again.”

Molly grips Izzie’s hands and now Lexie’s the one surprised when Izzie beams back at her like an old friend. “Hey again Molly. How are you?”

The question hangs in the air for a moment and Molly smiles a little tearfully. “As well as I can be.”

“And Laura?”

That perks her up immediately. “Oh she’s perfect – she should be up from her nap any minute and –“

“Wait, what the now?” Lexie interjects from the background, and the two look at her like _she’s_ the guest at _their_ Christmas party.

Izzie blushes and offers just a shrug. “Uh, I was on Addison’s service when Laura was born.”

She thinks about how Izzie met both of her sisters before Lexie even knew of one’s existence, and she scrunches her nose at Izzie, nudging her in the shoulder. “You could have mentioned that earlier, when I was freaking out about you _meeting_ my sister.”

Izzie rolls her eyes but nods anyway as if to say, yeah, she should have. Lexie sees the gears turning in Molly’s head, eyes shooting between them, but before she can finally pick up _what_ exactly, their dad shows up behind her, followed by Eric with Laura in his arms. Lexie feels panic crawl up her throat. Even though getting the fake coming out over with while everyone was in the same room was better than doing it one by one, she’s still not prepared for this part of their half-assed plot.

Lexie hugs her dad and everyone not directly related nods pleasantly in greeting. After Lexie hears Izzie quietly squealing over how big Laura’s gotten behind her shoulder, her dad finally asks, “So where’s this boyfriend of yours, Lexie? Did he chicken out?”

“Uh – well! Um…” Lexie freezes and feels Izzie move just a tiny step closer so their elbows are touching. For a second Lexie can almost believe she’s actually her girlfriend. She manages to spit out, “I never had a boyfriend. Izzie’s here – I – I mean, I’m here with Izzie. _With_ Izzie, Izzie’s here with… me.”

There’s a beat in the room filled with _Jingle Bells_ and Izzie’s embarrassed Hi _-_ and-wave combo. Eric nods a little before shrugging and Lexie’s pretty sure he’s thinking ‘ _nice_ ’ and she silently thanks her brother-in-law for not saying it out-loud. Lexie thinks her dad must remember Izzie too because even though he’s clearly looking at her with new eyes, Lexie can see the same respect there that she’s seen before in family members of patients. Despite being a little put out by it earlier, Lexie is suddenly very happy that Izzie had already met some of her family.

Molly says nothing but the grin on her face tells Lexie she’s gonna be in for it later.

The beat passes when her dad steps up and welcomes them with, “Well don’t just stand there, come in, come in!” and ushers everyone toward the living room, where a few distant family members Lexie was never too close with, and some friends of her mom, are waiting.

“Lexie, don’t be rude – offer your girlfriend something to drink.”

Lexie feels Izzie touch her back and Lexie glances at her. She grins and Lexie rolls her eyes, thinking this was going to be a long night.

 

 

 

 

 

Lexie comes back from an earful of teasing from Molly and her dad to see Eric and her mom’s friends standing around Izzie, who’s gently bouncing Laura up and down on her hip. She swipes a glass of wine from the kitchen and stands out of the way to watch as Molly slides up to join them and can hear Izzie readily going over the details of Laura’s procedure and the day she was born, and how healthy she looks now – all the good things that parents and family love to hear from a doctor. They pepper her with standard health questions and she answers what she can with the same kind of patience she tries to have with patients at work, as if it was just another day in the clinic.

It strikes Lexie then that Izzie would have probably been a hit with her family simply for being Molly’s doctor, or for being _another_ doctor in the house, and Lexie would have been fine not playing out this lie. For a good few seconds she feels thoroughly embarrassed and considers calling Molly back to tell her the truth. Suddenly she's not sure why she was lying in the first place; what did it matter if she had a boyfriend _or_ girlfriend or not if she was already happy with her work?

She hears someone ask Izzie if she plans on having kids herself one day, as she passes Laura back to Molly. Izzie falters, and it only takes that beat for Lexie to excuse herself into the space next to her, touching her hand as subtly as possible.

Lexie knows about her baby. Not everything, just that there’s a little girl out there who probably has Izzie’s eyes or smile but would never know it. She knows Izzie won't mention her, but Lexie still hopes she can convey in that touch that it's okay, that she remembers, that she's here if she wants to talk about it. Izzie looks at Lexie gratefully.

“Actually, well – maybe someday,” she says, turning back to the group. “Right now work is just too hectic, I couldn’t imagine it.”

“Ugh, you sound like Lexie,” Molly unhelpfully chimes in; Laura takes that moment to giggle as if she understood, and Lexie wrinkles her nose at both of them.

Izzie raises an eyebrow. “Your sister’s pretty smart – so I’ll take that as a compliment.”

She lays it on thick and flashes Lexie another bright smile. Lexie sips her wine, pretending she wasn’t at all charmed.

(Even though she absolutely accepts the compliment too).

“Maybe they could adopt!” someone offers from behind her, and Lexie just manages not to spit out her drink. She hadn't planned for _that_ to come up.

“Oh, we could!” Izzie says, looping her arm through Lexie’s with way too much fun in her movements. “Kids aren’t totally off the table, right hun?”

She hears Molly snicker next to her. Lexie, feeling more challenged than embarrassed, raises her eyebrow and plasters on a faux-coy smile.

“Speaking of kids,” she says, and the manufactured sweetness makes Izzie narrow her eyes. Lexie plays it even sweeter by settling back against her, for the sake of the role she's playing. “ _When_ are you going to tell them about the boy and his deer?”

 Izzie purses her lips and glares at her, but the group perk up like they’re ready for a story and she knows she can’t get out of this one. She gives Lexie a smile through clenched teeth and plucks her wine out of her hand. “Why don’t _you_ tell them?”

“I’d love to,” she says, a little too genuinely excited at the idea because as much as she and George tease her, Lexie _really_ does like this story.

Izzie sips her stolen wine as Lexie spins her tale.

Eventually the silliness of the whole thing catches up with Izzie, who ends up laughing about it as much as Lexie is, and the two tag team telling not just this story but about Lexie’s first day as well (mentioning as little of Meredith as possible). The whole time their arms stay intertwined and Lexie doesn't feel the need to pull away.

 

 

 

 

 

After the crowd clears and they're given a relief from mingling, Lexie finds Izzie standing by the shelves where they keep their family pictures, studying them with an amused intensity. She sees which one Izzie is currently looking at and tries to turn around and escape, but Izzie catches her too quickly, giddy in the way anyone would get seeing their friend as a kid for the first time.

“A band geek? Really Lex?” she says, putting one hand on her hip and tapping the picture with the fingertips of her other, grinning like she was asked to do a solo surgery. It was of Lexie and her other band mates, the brass section, after a concert in middle school. She remembers this one, not the song, but the way her parents and sister had clapped for her like it was an actual event and not just something the schools did to keep the kids invested in learning, like she was an actual musician instead of a kid covering up her bad notes by playing as quietly as possible.

“I wasn't kidding about the trombone,” Lexie mutters, purses her lips when Izzie gives a wicked laugh. “And I wasn't a _band geek_ , we did like - you know, concerts and choirs! I never once marched, I'll have you know.”

“Oh - I bet you can read sheet music like no one's business.”

She can - she remembers every song she's ever played, and then some. “As good as any medical journal.”

Izzie smiles. “You'll have to play for me one day.”

The trombone is in her closet, covered in dust and textbooks. “Fat chance.”

“From band geek to prom queen.” The smile doesn’t leave her face as she takes in different photos. Pictures from vacations, yearbook photos and senior pictures, holidays, baby pictures. Soon Lexie is taking them in as well, so many memories she hasn't thought about since before leaving for med school. She has an image of her mom staring at these pictures while Lexie and Molly were both away and feels a pang in her heart. She feels another pang when she remembers Izzie didn't have the best school years, and she wonders what photos Izzie's mom kept framed for her.

Unexpectedly, Izzie loops her free arm around Lexie’s waist and pulls her in next to her, which Lexie flushes in confusion at until Izzie leans down a little to whisper, “I'll be honest, I wanted to see baby pictures, but I was also kind of hoping I'd find something of Mer here.”

Lexie lets herself relax a little. Izzie tended to use touch to convey emotions or make a point a lot more frequently when she wasn’t at work, although usually George was a lot more likely to get a touch to his hand or shoulder or elbow than Lexie was. She assumes Izzie is playing it up tonight for the sake of her family, realizing the arm across her back was most likely just a way to keep their conversation private, but it still makes her blush at the attention. “You won't find anything,” she finally says. “I had no idea who she was until this year.”

Izzie glances at her, then back at the pictures. “Must be hard. You're clearly a big family person, but at work…”

Lexie is taken aback by that. She rarely spoke in depth about her feelings towards her situation with Meredith with Izzie and George, but that wasn’t really saying much as she didn’t speak to _anyone_ about it; they only knew because it slipped out when she drank too much. She wonders if Izzie was really that astute or if Lexie was just that transparent (she’s willing to give Izzie the credit, since she had more than once seen Izzie pick up on little cues from patients that others had missed, and definitely _not_ because she was really that transparent). “Yeah it...I mean, yeah I just wish it could be different. But Meredith is well, Meredith. She had no idea there was a me either.”

She leans a little bit into Izzie's side, because it's offered support and she takes it.

“She'll come around. I love Mer and all but honestly she's missing out.”

There's no big flashy smile this time, just a shy up turn of her lips, and Lexie feels warmth travel through her limbs and into her chest at the compliment. She and Izzie and George would say nice things about each other after a good day, giving credit where credit is due, but Izzie was more earnest here, more genuine, and it made Lexie blush to know Izzie didn't think she was a lesser Grey.

She _definitely_ thinks Izzie is her favorite now.

Lexie realizes she's staring when Izzie looks her in the eyes for a beat too long.

“Charmer,” she manages to say.

Izzie gives that upturned smile again, before tapping one of pictures. “Tell me about this one?”

It's one of Lexie and her mom and she immediately remembers the story. She talks, grateful for the chance to speak well of her mom, and for the arm still wrapped around her like it was supposed to be there.

 

 

 

 

 

“I think Izzie really likes you,” Molly says, plopping onto the couch next to Lexie about an hour or so into the party.

Lexie feels the candy cane in her hand snap and she’s glad no one else was close enough to hear that. “Wh-why do you think that?”

“Well,” is all she offers for a second, and Lexie’s eyes shoot to the other side of the room where Izzie is chatting with Eric. “She talks about you really kindly. And she kind of gets this _look_ when she looks at you. You can tell you guys are close.”

Lexie has to think about that for a moment. She hadn’t considered them close, not like _that_ at any rate. Before tonight, if she had shown up to dinner alone, she would probably still be wondering if Izzie only hung out with her because of George. Then again, Izzie had painted the whole fake dating idea as something she was doing _for_ Lexie, just to help her out for a night, and she played the girlfriend very convincingly, for all the blushing and stuttering she was pulling out of Lexie. And they did work pretty well enough together, when a case called for it. And the nights they went to Joe’s just the two of them were actually fun.

She can’t pretend she hasn’t been seeing Izzie a little differently tonight either.

Genuinely wondering now what Izzie would say to that, she answers, “Yeah, I guess we are. I mean, hospitals are pretty small social circles, it’s not hard to get close to a small group and stick with them.”

Molly nods like she’s trying to picture it. “I’m sorry for all that stuff I said before. You worked so hard to be a doctor, I just wanted you to be… you know, okay and all.”

“Geesh, Molls, isn’t it _my_ job to worry about _you?_ I’m the older sister!”

(Lexie wonders for a flash if Meredith could ever be the kind of sister who worries about her. She can’t imagine it).

“Whatever!” Molly scoffs, lounging back on the couch. “Doctors need people looking out for them too.”

“Yeah, I -”

 

Unbidden, Lexie suddenly has a memory of a surgery on Halloween. Izzie had caught her crying that day and had asked, only halfway begrudgingly, what was wrong.

“Oh uh, no - sorry, I just -” she'd stammered, feeling stupid. “I'd give my heart to my mom too, you know?”

Izzie had been there for George's speech too, hell she had been there when George’s dad _died_ , she had realized, had been there for so much that Lexie had missed. Izzie nodded in response, before pulling Lexie along into an empty on call room. Lexie had looked at her, baffled, as Izzie leaned against the door, half turned away.

“It's okay,” she said like it was simple, but her voice was the kindest Lexie had ever heard it. “Cry it out, I get it. Then it's back to work.” She turned her head away just a little more. “You never want to let them see you cry.”

So Lexie cried, only half wondering who Izzie let herself cry in front of. Then they got back to work.

 

Lexie blinks. At the time, it had only felt a little significant; she'd forgotten about it by the time the day was through. Now suddenly it feels as significant as if Izzie had let her cry on her own shoulder.

 “Yeah, you're right Molls.”

“Must be nice working with your girlfriend all day, though,” Molly adds, grinning.

Izzie catches her eye then and winks at her before turning back to Eric, having no idea what she and Molly were talking about or what Lexie was considering. Lexie sticks a piece of candy cane between her teeth to make her smile less obvious, she hopes.

“Hey, you said - would you say you could tell that I really like Izzie too, do you think?” Lexie asks, not sure if she's excited or terrified of the answer.

“Oh, for sure.”

 

 

 

 

 

Later in the evening Izzie appears next to Lexie after apparently being shooed from the kitchen by her dad. Her complaints that she’s a good cook - and her story about the time she cooked Thanksgiving turkey with the Dr. Burke that Lexie never met - are undercut by her humming along with the Christmas music her family keeps steadily playing.

“Poor Iz,” Lexie says with a grin, “Spent her day working in a hospital and then she can’t even cook dinner for a party?”

Izzie rolls her eyes but smiles, conceding. “I’d say sassy isn’t a good look on you but it kind of is.”

“Iz,” Lexie laughs, then glances around them and pulls Izzie with her into an empty hallway. “Okay, but seriously I _really_ need to know - how did my dad seem?” Lexie asks, keeping her voice as hushed as possible.

Izzie leans her head a little closer and shrugs. “Not so bad. There’s champagne and wine everywhere but I’ve only seen him with ‘eggnog’ the whole night.”

Lexie rolls her eyes and she can see Izzie isn’t convinced either. She folds her arms; Izzie mimics her and Lexie almost laughs at how serious they probably looked to any one passing by. “Well at least he’s behaving himself.”

“Does Molly know? Besides – er, that day?”

Lexie wasn’t there when her dad confronted Meredith but she remembers Molly’s simmering disappointment and shame as she ushered him back. “She thinks it was just that one night. I don’t tell her about his bad days. _I_ don’t even like to think about his bad days,” she adds, looking away.

Izzie nudges Lexie with her shoulder. “Look - I’m not gonna pretend I know what it feels like. My dad isn’t around and I only heard less-than-good things about Thatcher from Meredith, but I _do_ know the feeling of, let’s say, an embarrassing parent. Things with my mom aren’t – the best.”

She trails off for a moment and Lexie has to resist the urge to press. Izzie knows a lot about her mom, but Lexie knows barely anything about hers. Maybe one day she’ll get the full story. “Anyway – well - I know it’s disappointing but he doesn’t mean to hurt you. Er, I mean, I’m not making excuse, I... Just be there for him if he needs you and that’s all _you_ can do for now. You’re a good daughter, okay?”

Lexie has to take a moment to swallow the lump in her throat and process the warmth in her chest. She nearly forgets what they were originally talking about. She thinks her smile must come out a little more smitten than grateful because before she can say anything, they hear a quick “whoo!” and jerk their heads around to see Molly grinning at Lexie, eyes shifting quickly to something over her head.

Lexie’s already blushing before she sees the mistletoe hanging above her - at least she can take comfort in Izzie turning a little pink too.

She remembers catching Molly and Eric under this stupid plant more than once in Christmas parties past, so really she should have seen this coming.

Her dad pokes his head into the room, probably to announce dinner is ready, when he catches sight of the mistletoe too. His grin matches Molly’s, so Lexie blames him. “ _Dad!_ ”

“What? It’s tradition!”

Lexie thanks god for the three or five peppermint sticks and candy canes she ate to calm her nerves earlier.

This would be a lot easier if her family wasn't watching. Her heart hammers in her chest and in her ears as Lexie takes a second to steel herself before giving Izzie her full attention like any girlfriend in this situation would, her conversation with Molly ringing in her ears. Izzie looks back so encouragingly, despite the pink on her cheeks and the shrug to her shoulders, that it calms Lexie down and she resolves to just be quick about it. Lexie takes a breath, cups her cheeks; Izzie meets her halfway.

The kiss isn’t nearly as nerve wrecking as Lexie was expecting. It only lasts for a few seconds but in those seconds Lexie nearly pulls back laughing because of course underneath the lye soap Izzie smells like some limited edition holiday lotion and, _of course,_ she tastes like freaking gingerbread gloss. Lexie’s so charmed it makes her heart flutter and suddenly Lexie wants to taste _her_ , and she parts her lips, pulling Izzie closer. Izzie's grip tightens in response, fingers curving into the knit of Lexie’s sweater, and Lexie completely forgets anyone else who might be in the room.

Until she hears a sharp whistle and pulls back just in time to see Molly giggling and her dad laughing as they head to the dining room. One of her mom’s friends gives them a ‘ _ha, young love_ ,’ look that has Lexie blushing all over again, and she gets tangled in Izzie’s arms when she tries to pull away before thinking she’d have nothing to be embarrassed about if she’d been standing here with a man. So Lexie glances back at Izzie’s flushed cheeks and matches her teasing smile with her own, eyes lingering for a moment on the spots against her jaw where Lexie’s fingers had been.

“Sorry,” she mutters anyway as she pulls away. “Uh – I think we might be crossing that line from fake to ‘not fake’ here, huh?”

Izzie shrugs and leads Lexie to the kitchen by the hand as if this was her house. “Night’s not over.”

 

 

 

 

 

Dinner goes as normally as Lexie could have hoped for. There’s enough people around the table that Lexie quickly realizes her fear that she and Izzie would have to fill the time answering questions about their fake relationship was mostly unfounded, and the two only end up waxing minimal stories about difficult but interesting cases at work when asked. It was a lucky break that they had helped Dr. Montgomery deliver a baby today, and the mention of a Christmas newborn was especially a hit with her mom’s friends.

When dishes are cleared and rinsed (or in most cases, left soaking in the sink to clean the next day), and goodbyes are said to most of the guests and only close family was left, Lexie settles next to Izzie on the couch, passing her a hot chocolate, because it was tradition for her parents to make hot chocolate after dinner. As she and Molly had gotten older, well past the years of being kids who rushed downstairs to see what Santa had brought, it had also been tradition to open presents now instead of in the morning.

“Oh, but I didn’t get you anything,” Izzie teases, giving her a smile as warm as her mug when Lexie tells her this, and Lexie nearly burns her mouth trying to hide whatever stupid smitten look she might have. The house is quiet now except for Christmas music and Laura’s sleepy baby sounds from upstairs, and Lexie really likes how cozy she feels. She kind of wishes it was snowing outside.

Her response is cut short when her dad joins them then, making himself comfortable on Lexie’s other side; both of them freeze like caught teenagers, despite being anything but.

“Shame there aren’t any presents this year,” he says with an easy grin, and they both instantly relax. She notices his words aren’t slurring and his mug has marshmallows in it, which was a good sign as far as she was concerned.

Lexie snorts. “Yeah, who has time to go Christmas shopping when you’re working 48 hours in a row?”

That certainly wasn’t the only reason, as the Greys had sort of unanimously decided not to buy gifts this year, except for the baby, but Lexie doesn’t feel like she needs to voice that.

“I knitted Meredith and Cristina scarves,” Izzie blurts out. Lexie is thankful she wasn’t taking a drink when she bursts out laughing at that, and her dad chuckles next to her. “I’m pretty sure they aren’t wearing them tonight,” she adds sheepishly.

“You knit?”

“Oh yeah - about as well as I bake,” Izzie says, a smile hidden behind her mug. Lexie has no idea how good of a baker Izzie is, and she knows this, so Lexie just rolls her eyes and bumps Izzie with her knee. It’s a very couple like exchange and she’s pretty sure her dad buys it.

Lexie’s pretty sure _she_ buys it too.

Her dad leans forward and places his mug on the coffee table and gazes at the tree for a moment, and Lexie can tell he’s thinking something over. “Dr. Stevens…” he starts, then pauses again.

“Izzie,” she offers kindly, and he smiles.

“Izzie, well I…There’s no real way to say this.” He rubs his hand over his face and takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry about the last time I was in the hospital. The day – the day, well…How I treated Meredith, that was the worst thing I’ve ever done and I just want her to know – that, I’m sorry and I wish –“

Izzie sets her drink down as well. “Mr. Grey –“

“Thatcher,” her dad says with a rueful smile that Izzie matches, and Lexie stifles a fond laugh at their exchange.

“Thatcher, I can’t speak for Meredith. I can’t speak for your relationship with her...And to be honest, I wouldn’t if I could. But I also understand that feeling of absolute grief and – and anger and helplessness. It’s the worst feeling in the world.”

From her place in the middle – literally and figuratively, since she wasn’t there that day and only heard about it from Molly – Lexie takes Izzie in. She sees her lit up by the glow of the Christmas tree and in a flash remembers Denny’s name and the whispers about Izzie from the other interns. They had only spoken about “that day” briefly, with George as a buffer, but never about what happened afterwards.

Izzie reaches across to place a hand on the back of her dad’s for a moment, and the movement presses her a little closer to Lexie’s side. “I can’t say I understand why you picked Meredith to lash out at. But I won’t begrudge you of your grief, because I get that a lot more than I want to. And you should know,” she adds, leaning back to address Lexie too, “we all really liked Susan. She was a good person. I...think she almost got through to Mer, would have been good for her. I always kind of wished Mer could have gotten the whole family thing figured out.”

Lexie blinks back tears she refuses to shed right now, and Izzie awkwardly pulls back and cups her mug in her hands again, and she looks exactly like the new girlfriend unsure if she crossed the line with the family.

Her dad, for his part, simply nods. He gives Izzie a pointed look and says, “I think she may have,” and stands. He stretches for a moment, taking in the Christmas tree like Lexie had earlier, before turning to bid them both goodnight. “Don’t stay up too late,” he adds with a grin that looks like his old self.

Izzie nods back. Lexie clears her throat. “’Night, Dad. Merry Christmas.”

Izzie watches him go, then turns back to Lexie; as soon as she does, Lexie takes her face in her hands and leans in close. She waits just a beat and when Izzie doesn’t pull away and simply waits, Lexie kisses her.

It’s a chaste kiss, nothing more than lips moving lightly together, fingers pressed to sides and cheeks, but she feels light headed from it nonetheless. She’s pretty sure Molly and Eric are still upstairs after putting Laura to sleep, so she’s not worried about being walked in on, though that also makes her aware that she definitely isn’t doing this for anyone’s benefit but her own. The thought just makes her press closer, heart thundering in her chest when Izzie leans in to meet her.

Izzie’s fingers travel up her side and settle on her jaw, and when Lexie feels dizzy she finally pulls away.

Izzie smiles. “Maybe fake-dating wasn’t as simple as I thought it would be.”

“I don’t know about you but I am definitely not faking this anymore,” she says against Izzie’s lips, then feels a chill in her blood when she realizes that was very serious, very fast.

Izzie warms the chill away by laughing and saying, “Let’s go? Night’s not over.”

 

 

 

 

 

She texts Molly goodbye and Merry Christmas, not wanting to shout up the stairs and risk waking up the baby, and spends the ride back holding Izzie’s hand because she really wants to.

Lexie presses Izzie up against the door as soon as they make it up the steps, filled with a thrill she’s too distracted by to bother overthinking about. She feels good, excited, and it's only enhanced by the holiday feelings all around them.

“I didn’t even get to show you my room,” she says.

Izzie opens the door one handed, the other weaved through Lexie’s hair. “Funny, I was about to show you mine.”

For a second Lexie wonders if they’ll run into Alex and have to explain, but the worry is whisked away when she sees Meredith and Dr. Montgomery passed out on the couch together, a throw blanket (holiday print that she’d bet money Izzie bought) around them and Addison’s arm over her sister’s shoulders. There's no presents around, but they look content and happy laying there together, with, as promised, empty mugs laying on the table beside them.

“I’ve never seen Meredith look _affectionate_ before,” Lexie whispers out of the side of her mouth to Izzie, who stands charmed by the scene next to her. Actually, she's barely seen them affectionate with each other at all, a story and relationship she wasn't privy to, and she almost puts the brakes on just to ask more.

“Keep it to yourself, they have reputations to keep,” Izzie teases, voice low, hands on Lexie’s hips to push her past them, stopping that train of thought and bringing the buzz back to her limbs.

“I'm pretty sure,” Lexie mutters, letting herself be walked backwards, bringing her lips close to Izzie's, “that she would hate it if I was here. Should I go?”

Her back hits a door frame next to an askew door and Izzie kisses her, absolutely kissing her question and all pretense of teasing away. She holds her face, presses her close, and Lexie tastes that gingerbread again and smells that holiday scent in the air around them; when Izzie pulls away, Lexie actually feels breathless and she wants more.

“Do you want to go?”

Lexie answers by pushing the door open with her foot and letting herself in, pulling her shirt off and throwing it in Izzie’s face.

She hears from under the fabric “I love Christmas,” before Izzie shuts the door and pulls Lexie in for another kiss.

 

 

 

 

 

Lexie manages to find time between Christmas and New Years to shop for a gift; a white deer in a snow globe that she gives to Izzie as thanks, and, maybe, as a token or a promise of something more.

She very nearly drops the thing when George sees them standing unmistakenly too close together, and promptly asks, ”Oh so did Izzie finally tell you she was into you?”

 

///

 

**Author's Note:**

> 'Addison stays at the hospital and continues to mentor Izzie in neonatal' is a concept that's only briefly in this but will definitely show up in future fics because i still stand by the idea that Izzie would have been great in peds or neonatal.
> 
> i also stand by that if you take Izzie's season 4 love triangle crappy story lines away she'd be a much more competent doctor.
> 
>  
> 
> I have a Meddison spin off planned for this but it'll be a miracle if I finish before the new year


End file.
